my breastfeeding story #celebratebreastfeeding

As it’s National Breastfeeding Celebration Week I figured that for once I might jump on the bandwagon and talk about my breastfeeding journey. It also seems fairly timely too that this weekend I will have been breastfeeding my baby boy for a whole year.

Before I continue I want to acknowledge that all too often conversations about breastfeeding descend into guilt, blame and judgement. Regardless of how you feed your baby, you’re doing the very best you can for your child. The problem for me is, that those mothers who want to breastfeed are not necessarily being enabled to do so (according to official figures, eight out of 10 women stop breastfeeding before they want to). And as a result, the UK now has some of the lowest breastfeeding rates in the world.

I knew I wanted to breastfeed before I even had children. While I was pregnant, I remember being asked by my midwife on numerous occasions who I intended to feed my baby and I always said that I wanted to try to breastfeed. I had many friends who wanted to breastfeed and for whatever reason – lack of support, tongue tie, etc – were unable to continue. I never felt confident that I would breastfeed but I knew I wanted to try. My reasons for wanting to try weren’t all that altruistic, yes, sure I knew it was good for the baby but also, it was free and quick – what can I say, I’m lazy and imagining being woken umpteen times a night sounded bloody awful, without having to also make up a bottle.

But I’ll be honest, I didn’t really give breastfeeding much more thought than that. And then suddenly after an exhausting induced labour, followed by an emergency caesarean, I had my baby boy in my arms and no clue what to do with him!

I was lucky and he latched fairly quickly – we just had a few tries and then we were away. It felt weird. So weird. And then within days, it hurt. So much. Coupled with a healing c-section wound, I felt utterly dejected. I remember feeling so uncomfortable in the final hot weeks of my pregnancy and eagerly looking forward to giving birth and suddenly getting my body back again. But that just didn’t happen. And I hated it.

It was hot and sticky and breastfeeding made me sweat more and I had a tiny little person attached to me for much of the day. My husband could only look on (and thank goodness that he had some time to himself while the baby fed – All. The. Bloody. Time!!).

For me, in the early days, breastfeeding felt lonely, painful and draining.

After chatting (read: breaking down) with the midwife 10 days in, I decided to set myself small, manageable targets. First, I would get to two weeks, then a month, then two. My mum kept telling me that one day soon I would look down and realise that I actually enjoyed it. I was incredulous. Enjoy it?! But she was right. About five or six weeks in and I looked down at this tiny little boy, feeding away happily and realised that not only did I enjoy it, I was beginning to love it. Even then, I felt that six months would be long enough.

Very nearly 12 months later and we’re still feeding. It’s down to one feed a day but neither of us is completely ready to give that feed up yet and I’m fine to wait a while.

The initial weaning at about seven months was my decision but it was based more on circumstance than emotion. I returned to work when the baby boy was eight months old and so knew that about a month before that I would need to start reducing his daytime feeding. I also got to a point where I could no longer face night time feeds. Since then we’ve been nursing first thing in the morning and at bedtime, but over the past couple of weeks we’ve dropped our morning feed.

I now feel as if I’m reaching a point where I wouldn’t mind if it came to an end. I’ll be sad not to have our quiet time together but I know we’ll still have cuddles.

There were many times that I nearly gave up in those early weeks, when my nipples were sore, when both the baby and I got thrust, when I was so tired and it felt like he’d never stop feeding. But now, a year on, I’m so glad I persevered.

can I take baby food on a flight as hand luggage? and other questions when flying with a baby

Ahead of our first flight with our baby boy, I had so many questions and reservations. This was our first trip abroad since the baby boy arrived nearly 10 and a half months ago. I was so nervous about our trip, I had no idea how the baby boy would cope with the flight, how I would fit everything in the suitcase, would I forget something vitally important, would we be able to do the things we usually enjoyed?

We had a wonderful holiday and didn't feel like we had to give up doing all of the things we used to enjoy. If anything, we did more and actually relaxed a little more too - due to the baby boy's bedtime. However, I did start writing this in our Airbnb in Copenhagen but like most things these days, I never had a chance to finish it.

1. First things first, if you are taking baby food in your hand luggage make sure that you separate out any pouches/jars. You'll need those that are over 100g and those under 100g, grouped separately. You can still take bigger amounts but you'll save time if they're not in a bag with smaller jars/pouches. (Learn from my mistake!!) When I checked online, it said that I could take enough for the journey. I actually took three meals worth and got through fine but they were Aldi pouches so I wouldn't have been heartbroken if I'd had to leave one behind.
2. Ask airline staff for extras. Our flight out was an evening flight so I fed the baby boy on take-off and he snoozed and fed in my arms for the entire flight. It wasn't until the flight home that the staff offered me pillows and blankets. Lesson learned, next time I will ask for these straight away. Worst case scenario, they don't have them but if they do, bonus!
3. A baby carrier is a must. On our way out we were able to keep our buggy until the gate but even then, it was invaluable being able to put the baby into the carrier to get on the aeroplane. And on our return journey, we had to check in the buggy with our suitcases, making the carrier even more of an essential.
4. If your little one if old enough, bring snacks and toys and anything else you can think of to entertain them. I think a flight is the one time you need to throw caution to the wind and use whatever tactics possible to make it as stress free for everyone involved. A shout out to SAS airlines who we flew with - they provided a lovely little picture book and soft toy for the baby boy to play with (and take home after) - such a nice touch.
5. Finally, don't stress out if your little one does cry or get upset or doesn't sleep. Our plan on the way out was for the baby boy to feed as we took off, sleep for the flight and then transfer to his buggy and he'd sleep again on the journey to our apartment. In reality, he slept for about half an hour and was awake for the rest of the time! But it was fine. We went with it and tried not to sweat it too much!

Anyone else got any tips for flying with little ones? We're flying with our little boy later in the year and this time I don't think he'll be quite so immobile which I think might be a little more of a challenge - any tips for that gratefully received!!

baby life: pre-baby vs post-baby Bank Holiday weekend

Bank Holidays are a little lot different since becoming parents. Where we would previously have taken advantage of the extra day or two off work and gone away, spent an extra day/night out, safe in the knowledge of an extra lie in, we now have no security of a lie in and so the long weekend looked rather different. This post by Hurrah for Gin sums it up, I think...

Pre-baby boy Bank Holiday weekend, I would have woken up late on Friday morning. I would have languished in bed with my iPad - perusing social media. The hubby and I might have gone for a long leisurely brunch.

Post-baby boy Bank Holiday weekend, we were woken at 6.30 to the sound of baby babble. The baby boy is a chatterbox! Followed by a breastfeed and then on with the day. Which included sitting in the car with my iPhone - perusing social media. While the baby boy slept. Followed by a walk and a quick coffee and cake before the baby boy got too restless. 

Pre-baby boy Bank Holiday weekend, might have involved a boozy lunch, followed by an afternoon in a beer garden, or a walk with the hubby and a stop at a pub on the way home.

Post-baby boy Bank Holiday weekend, and we celebrate getting through the day and bedtime with a G&T at home. Just the one. To be honest, I'm more likely to have another on a "school night" as a day in the office is less hard work these days!

Pre-baby boy Bank Holiday weekend, we I would have enjoyed another lie in on Saturday morning. I'll be honest, the hubby isn't the best at lying in but he is good at bringing coffee and breakfast in bed! We might then have taken a day trip to explore a nearby town and have lunch out.

Post-baby boy Bank Holiday weekend, wasn't too different! We didn't enjoy a lie in but I did have coffee brought to me in bed while giving the baby boy a breastfeed. We then took a walk in the park and spotted steam trains! Followed by lunch out.

Some things don't change... Dessert of dreams...!!

The baby boy had lots of fun playing on the vintage tractor at the lunch venue.

Pre-baby boy Bank Holiday weekend, even getting dressed looked a lot different! I'd have been donning my glad rags in anticipation of catching up with my girlfriends over cocktails, or date night with the hubby. Maybe a jumpsuit with a pair of heels and statement earrings (oh how I dream of a big pair of statement earrings these days but I dare not wear them as the baby boy wants to grab everything!).

Post-baby boy Bank Holiday weekend, my attire is a little more practical - think wipe clean coated jeans (genius for mummies!!), a pair of trainers for running around after babies and the obligatory mummy-uniform striped top.

Pre-baby boy Bank Holiday weekend, Easter Sunday would have been spent eating my body weight in chocolate eggs and then snoozing it off in the afternoon, followed by a trip to the pub or out for dinner.

Post-baby boy Bank Holiday weekend, Easter Sunday was spent eating a lot of chocolate (maybe not quite as much as previously) and then getting the baby boy to snooze in the afternoon, followed by some playtime and then dinner for the baby boy before bed. Then the hubby and I snoozed on the sofa before an early night!

Pre- or post-baby boy Bank Holiday weekend, the Monday night blues are still very real! We had such a lovely weekend with our little Easter bunny and makes going back to work so much harder. But it's only four days until the weekend again!

*Disclaimer: This post is an entry in a competition for the Next Blogger Network.

#3things: you need to host a mummy meet up

Having hosted the very last playdate with my mummy tribe and their babies before I head back to work, I thought I'd share the top tips I've learnt for hosting a successful mummy meet up.

1. Tea and coffee. It is a fact universally acknowledged that maternity leave everywhere is fuelled by tea/coffee and cake. Why? Because new mums are always knackered and in need of a caffeine pick-me-up and a sugar fix.
2. Snacks. See above. Mummies need cake. And biscuits. If you're invited to a mummy meet-up - make sure you take cake too. It is always appreciated.
3. A large play mat. Yep, I've not forgotten the babies here. You'll need a mat that's big enough for all of the babies to be laid down on - so that the mummies can have their hands free for those hot drinks and sweet treats!! We have two large play mats, perfect for this:

The Tiny Love Super Mat (left) is massive ( we got ours from eBay for less than a tenner!) and the Nuby play mat (right) has lots of interesting flaps and bits to keep the babies entertained (I picked it up in Aldi).

Anything I've forgotten?

style: the ankle boot edit

With all of the walking I have done since having the baby boy last summer, I've found myself lusting after sensible shoes - after years of filling my shoe rack with beautiful high heels. Now with winter truly here and the cold weather really biting, I've been living in my ankle boots.

These Clarks black ankle boots (above) were my sole pair. If in doubt, I will always choose black in clothes or shoes - they go with everything! These are a great height as they sit just where my skinny jeans finish.

Realising that I was wearing these boots all the time, I decided I needed a second pair. Obviously I wanted something slightly different but still sturdy enough to cope with all of the walking that I plan on doing. I decided that a pair of tan Chelsea style boots would fit the bill perfectly. On maternity leave pay, the Clarks version was not going to be an option. Instead, I found these excellent tan leather Chelsea boots from George at Asda for just £30!

If you are after a pair of ankle boots, I've found pairs to suit any budget:

Shop the post: Splurge tan Chelsea boots vs save tan Chelsea boots
Splurge black ankle boots vs save black ankle boots

#3things: ways to survive the night feeds

If you're the mother of a newborn baby, you'll be enjoying enduring the night feed. Whether you're breast or bottle feeding your new baby, they'll be sure to be demanding you're doing it at least once (and more likely a few times) during the night. After nearly six months of night feeds and no sign of them stopping anytime soon, I feel like a bit of an expert! So I thought I'd share what I've learned about surviving them:

1. Make yourself comfortable. Whether you're feeding your baby in bed or in their room, make sure you're comfortable and supported. I used to feed the baby in bed and used extra pillows to create a comfortable back rest. Now I feed in the nursery and use an Ikea chair (an older leather version of this) - so comfortable. In the early days I found a breastfeeding pillow really helped too.
2. Hydrate. You need to be drinking a lot of water when you're breastfeeding anyway. Remember to have a glass or two of water to hand during the night.
3. Grab your phone. Or Kindle. Or whatever it is that will keep you awake. Particularly in the very early days of night feeds I'd feel guilty for being on my phone but also terrified of falling asleep. Now I've got over both and I use the time to catch up on social media, emails and prep for the day ahead. I use the time to write lists of everything I need to do the next day. It helps me to stop going over that same list when I go back to sleep. Win, win. I'd love to be able to read on my Kindle during night feeds as I really miss reading a book but I just get so sleepy.

How do you survive the night feeds? What's your top tip?

#3things: the essential teething kit

The baby boy is five months old (where did that time go?) and he's definitely teething. In fact, he's been for weeks now.

He doesn't really cry about it too much - except a little at bedtime. But you can tell it's happening because he's gnawing on his fingers a lot and his cheeks are quite flushed most of the time too. Plus there's a lot of dribble - oh my, the amount of dribble!

Over the past few weeks I've put together my essential kit. Here are my top three things to tackle the terrors of teething:

1. Teething toys. We've got a couple of these - Max the Frog from MAM and Sophie La Girafe.  Sophie is a classic - go to any baby class and at least half of the babies will have a Sophie! Max is a new one for us but is definitely a favourite. His bright colour and small size make him especially appealing to the baby. 
2. Dribble bibs. Self explanatory really. We go through up to five a day when it's really bad. We've got so many dribble bibs, from cheap multi packs to ones with a teething triangle incorporated. 
3. Teething gel. i use a lot of this (particularly at night when I'm tired and the baby has been up a few times already) and it does really seem to work. It makes my finger go numb so I'm guessing it does something to the baby's gums.

Otherwise, he's mainly using his fingers to gnaw on.

Have you found anything that works?

Disclosure: we were sent Max the Frog by MAM to try out. All views all our own.

20 thoughts my baby has at nap time

I can’t comment on anyone else’s bundle of joy but my bundle seems to delight in putting off nap time for as long as possible. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say this is what was going through his head at nap time….

1. Feeling pretty tired now. It’s been at least two hours since I got mummy up. After I’d woken her up at least every hour in the night. I don’t want her to get lonely in the night.
2. I’ll maybe give my eyes a rub. And yawn a bit. Might whinge a little too. Just so that mummy gets the idea that I’m tired.
3. But what’s this? She’s putting me in my cot? For a nap? Oh no. That’s not what’s happening mummy!
4. Well I might as well lie here for a few minutes. Let her think that I’m ready to go to sleep. In my cot. On my own. For the first time ever.
5. But no. She’s been gone just long enough to be sitting down with a hot drink now. Well more fool her. I’ll cry and she’ll come.
6. But wait, she did come but only to give me a kiss and a pat and to go again.
7. Well two can play this game. I can cry all day if I need to.
8. [some time later…] Yep she’s giving up. I can tell. I’m winning here.
9. Right, we’re out of the cot and back down with mummy. Result.

To find out what happens next, check out the rest of my post over at Selfish Mother.

baby shopping: shoulda put a fox on it

Any readers who follow me on Instagram will know that I am obsessed with all things fox related for the baby boy. It all began with this hat (above) that we were given by a friend. Which was followed by socks and then I found these leggings (below) earlier this week - from Nutmeg at Morrisons.

Like a woman possessed, I have scoured the internet for all things fox for babies - and there is a lot out there:

Shop this post: (clockwise from top left) That's Not My Fox board book; Fox stripe baby leggings; Fox jumper; Navy shawl collar fox cardigan; Fox print dress; Fox knitted dungarees; Fox embroidered dress; Jersey fox dungaree set; and Fox socks.

five truths about having a new born

My baby boy is three and a half months old. Apparently this means that he is no longer a newborn. This makes me sad. But also makes me want to do a mini fist pump - I survived the fourth trimester!!

The passing of time got me thinking about a few things that I know to be true about having a newborn:

1. A new born (and an older baby) knows when you're about to eat and are suddenly hungry too.
2. The doorbell will always ring just as you get the baby to sleep.
3. They will be happy and content until you step into the shower or sit on the toilet and then suddenly they become a crying and screaming mess.
4. Yellow poo gets everywhere. Up the back. Up the front. All over you. Just as you're sitting with your bubba, both of you chilling out, you suddenly feel a rumbling and look down and see yellow poo all over them and you!
5. And on that note, you'll become obsessed with poo. You'll talk about poo to anyone who listens - the colour, the consistency, the regularity. You'll share photos of your baby's poo with your partner. You'll worry about how often your baby has a poo, what it looks like - everything. In essence, your life will become all about your baby's poo!

more reasons why maternity leave is NOT a vacation

When I read this post about Why my maternity leave isn't a freaking vacation, it completely struck a chord. As the writer says:

If you have just grown an entire human being inside of your body and then it rudely exits and begins to cry for three months, you should not be further insulted by someone calling that three months of trying to keep that crying newborn alive, again, with your body, a freaking vacation.

I thought I'd add a few more reasons why maternity leave is NOT a vacation:

1. Money

Vacation = I would save up and have more money than usual so I can spend my days eating and drinking whatever and wherever I please

NOT a vacation = No money and living on beans on toast. Plus, on vacation I'm still being paid (on annual leave), on maternity leave I'm working 24/7 for next to no pay.

2. Shopping

Vacation = For me, a holiday often involves some retail therapy and buying new clothes. Checking out local market for local wares.

NOT a vacation = Spending what little money I have on nappies and baby wipes.

3. Accessories

Vacation = Wearing all the big hoops and dangly earrings I've saved for warm sunny days.

NOT a vacation = Having any hoop or dangly earrings ripped from my ears by tiny hands.

4. Iced drinks

Vacation = Lots of cooling iced drinks to combat the heat. Probably also accompanied by a mini umbrella!

NOT a vacation = A succession of cold teas and coffees that were made but never drunk due to a nappy needing a change or someone else wanting a feed!

5. Beauty routine

Vacation = Less make up due to holiday heat and tan. Less hair styling due to constant tips in the pool to cool off and then leaving it to tousle in a sexy manner.

NOT a vacation = Dark circles under my eyes and no make up due to the baby's constant need to be held and my lack of one handed make up application skills! As well as five day old hair that is now more dry shampoo than hair!

Don't misunderstand me, I am absolutely loving my maternity leave but, as the author of the original post says, it is definitely not a vacation.

shopping: alternative changing bags

Earlier this week, I posted about what I carry in my changing bag. I wrote that I wasn't keen on carrying a traditional changing bag, so I bought the Munchkin nappy change kit and used a bag I already had.

Clockwise from top left:

• The Storksak Ashley satchel is a stylish alternative to a traditional changing bag, as well as being a good option for mums or dads.
• Tiba and Marl are the go to brand for cool mamas for their brilliant change bags that don't look like change bags. The Elwood Backpack is a fabulous option - I love the metallic silver version.
• Another backpack, this time from Cath Kidston. This button spot changing rucksack offers mums a hands-free option with lots of pockets to stow all those things you need.
• The Fleet Street changing bag by Radley is the luxury option - this is definitely an investment purchase.
• If you want to use a bag you already own (as I have), you will need a mat. This change mat to go by Munchkin is a great option - in fact, you don't even necessarily need anything else!
• Another option to use with your own bag, or alone, is the Melobaby All-In-One Nappy Wallet and Change Mat.
• Finally, no one will know you're carrying a changing bag if you choose this leather look satchel by JoJo Maman Bébé.

what's in my changing bag?

Call me nosy but I've always loved a "what's in my bag" post - and now that I'm a mum, I enjoy the parent-friendly version, "what's in my changing bag". So I thought I would share the contents of my changing bag. I wasn't sure that I really wanted a traditional looking changing bag, so I'm currently using an H&M handbag I already had which had a waterproof lining. Later this week, I'll be posting some of the changing bags I've found that don't look like changing bags. For now, back to the contents of my bag:

• First up, nappies. Of course! I usually carry between three and six nappies - you never know! 
• Muslins are great for all manner of things - moping up, covering up, sun shade. I have at least two in my changing bag at any time - as well as a couple in every room of the house! The star muslin pictured is from Primark and the elephant one from Morrisons - I really like monochrome muslins.
• As I'm using a "normal" bag, I needed a change mat. I found this Munchkin nappy change kit in Aldi and it's great as it's got so a few pockets and a detachable change mat (see below for the contents).
• The Cath Kidston bag keeps some of the smaller bits I carry with me in one place - the contents are shown below.

• Baby wipes are essential for any parent. We're using these Water Wipes at the moment.
• I also carry nappy bags so that I can easily dispose of nappies. They also come in handy for soiled outfits!

• Inside me Cath Kidston bag, I carry sunscreen for both baby and me, a tinted lip balm (this is about as much make up as I manage to wear these days!), hand gel (in case there isn't anywhere to wash my hands after a change) and nail scissors.

• A spare outfit is essential - and used on a regular basis for us! The sunhat is left over from sunnier days this summer!
• I carry my purse - obviously!
• I also carry a notebook and pencil case so that when the baby boy and I are out during the day and stop for a coffee break, I can write some blog posts (or reminders!) to follow up later.

I've recently bought this carabiner clip from eBay to my pram - it's great for keeping things close at hand, like a bag, or an umbrella.

What do you carry in your changing bag? Anything I've missed?

and then there were three

On 1 July, our little man arrived. After nine months of waiting, we met our son.

To say it didn't go to plan would be an understatement. I had never really intended to have a plan and had thought I'd try and go into the whole process with an open mind. But I did know that I wanted to give birth at our local midwife led unit in the town where we live and that I wanted to try the birthing pool. In the end, neither was an option.

After my waters broke (a trickle, not a gush!) in the early hours of Thursday morning, I was booked for induction at the consultant led unit at the main hospital in the next town for the Friday afternoon. I didn't make it to then, as in the early hours of Friday morning there was blood in my waters and I was told to come straight in for induction.

The induction process was daunting and I'm not sure that it was ever fully explained to us why or how it would happen. As such, within hours of being put on the drip to get my contractions going, I was exhausted and totally spaced out from the gas and air. Even the consultant told the midwife that I was in no state to give birth. Which was really encouraging!

After a shot of pethadine, which didn't do much, I opted for an epidural. This definitely helped me to rest and get some energy back. But the baby didn't like the strength of the contractions. It also turned out that after 10 hours, I had dilated no more. So late in the evening it was decided that a caesarean delivery would be the best option for the baby. I'll be honest, it was such a relief at that point!

The caesarean was actually the most positive part of the whole day. Everyone in the operating theatre was wonderful and supportive. They explained everything and were all very upbeat. In the end, the birth of our baby boy was a pretty positive experience. Even if I was left battered and bruised.

Unfortunately baby boy had to go to neonatal for his first night but I was lucky to spend most of it with him, nursing him and soothing him. The hospital provided an amazing service and the breastfeeding support was spot on. I knew before I had my baby that I wanted to try breastfeeding but was under no illusion that it would be easy or that it would work. But the nurses in neonatal and the postnatal wards were so supportive.

I'll confess now that even after nearly three weeks, I'm still processing the fact that my little boy's birth wasn't anything like I expected. I'll be sure to come back to this subject and my other thoughts on being a new mum soon.